Things are begining to happen!

Just a quick update...on vacation in California now. Sounds like we picked a great week to go. Ohio is very cold and snowy right now..

This morning (hello, 5:00am pacific time!) Our agency called. About a placement. Already. It was for a 6 and 7 year old and possibly baby sister. Up for adoption...uggg....we were warned this would be hard. Just not ready and to be honest, they are a little older than we hoped...We were warned about the guilt we would feel, and all I have to say is they were right! I wish we could say yes. It just didn't feel "right".

The other thing is...and this has been weighing heavy on my heart, we have a friend of the family situation. My MIL's best friend's son (follow that?)is most likely the father of a baby boy born in late September that is still in a local hospital--born early and possibly + for drugs. The mother is having her parental rights removed due to drug addiction, and a paternity test for determining if he's the father is in the works. I have heard 3rd hand that the family wants us to adopt this little guy. I am beyond excited, by my hands are so tied...have to wait it out. The family knows how we feel and how much we would love to adopt. It really would be a great situation for the family. Grandparents and father can be active in his life. Anyway, big prayers going out to this babe "L".

We are making progress on our continued therapeutic foster classes. They are definitely very interesting and eye opening!

Licensed!

Just found out we are licensed as of November 5th! We will be signing up for the 60 additional classes to continue our Therapeutic license this week. 18 hours can be done w/home study so if my math is right that's 42 classroom hours remaining...with an average of 9 hours/week..minus vacation week and Christmas...I think we can be completed by the end of February (?).


With placement goal being...(((drum roll, please)))



March 2011!!!!!!


Gotta love having a goal:)


Big, HUGE thanks everyone for the comments and support. Means a lot to us!!!!!!!!!!!

This makes my heart smile!!!

"Adoptive families are shining examples of the care and concern that define our great Nation. To support adoption in our communities, my Administration is working with States to support families eager to provide for children in need of a place to call home. The landmark Affordable Care Act increases and improves the Adoption Tax Credit, enabling adoption to be more affordable and accessible. As part of the Adoption

Incentives program, States can also receive awards for increasing adoptions and the number of children adopted from foster care. AdoptUsKids, a project of the Department of Health and Human Services, offers technical support to States, territories, and tribes to recruit and retain foster and adoptive families; provides information and assistance to families considering adoption; and supports parents already on that journey. I encourage all Americans to visit AdoptUsKids.org or ChildWelfare.gov/Adoption for information and resources on adoption, including adoption from foster care."

Full article:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2010/11/01/presidential-proclamation-national-adoption-month

*Yes, I voted for him, and Yes I am glad--please keep your own political opinions on your own blog, not on my comments:) THANK YOU!*

Why us?

So once again, we have false hope and yet more delay...I am hoping by the fact that I'm updating my blog, TOMORROW we will have more news!

Okay, so a week ago last Friday we were told we will be licensed last Monday (10/25) YIPPEE!! And then....NOTHING! So last Wednesday (10/27) I called and I got"...ummm, yeah....I'll send out the info on classes in the mail right now" (these are classes to continue our therapeutic foster license) so I patiently waited...well it's yet another week later and STILL nothing and I don't even know if we have our foster license yet! I keep being called "anxious" when I talk to them so evidently I'm ticking them off(?)

ANYONE in Fostering have this??? I'm getting sick of the bureaucracy and we haven't even started yet!! We started our PRIDE classes in June and were told we would be licensed in 60 days if we work really hard getting our stuff in! We were VERY aggressive in getting in our info!!

Add to the fact that I've had large quantities of face*book friends make the lovely pregnancy announcements (including my cousin and B's cousin!)...I'm ready to throw in the towel and start researching domestic infant adoption...this is so hard for two reasons: 1) we've already spent $30,000 on fertility treatments and to add that again for each adoption is just crazy!! Sorry kids you can't go to Harvard, we spent that much trying to GET YOU...kidding... and 2) I have nightmares of a pregnant teen changing her mind at the last minute...literally, this is my WORST NIGHTMARE!!!

On to other news in my life...I've decided to put on my big girl panties and host Christmas this year...as an infertile, Christmas just sucks for me...no other way around it. Picturing little ones stockings hanging on the fire place, cookies out for Santa....etc...the whole shebang....just makes me tear up thinking about it!!! Will we EVER have that??? Anyway, Christmas is gonna be fun regardless this year (Dang it!) I am thinking "ugly Christmas sweater" theme...

Oh, also I signed B and I up for another Half Marathon in May!! Once again, this is so I can have short term goals...something I feel like I CAN CONTROL and have good feelings about (why yes, I am type A personality;)

AND we are going on vacation to Palm Springs, California in December:)
So I guess things are happening in my life, just not the one thing I want more than anything....

Central Registry...Budget Cuts

The news is...there is no news. Still waiting on Ohio's stamp of approval and since there is only ONE person doing ALL the checks for 88 counties in Ohio, they are extremely delayed. Bummer, but alas, it is the story of my life the last 5 + years...waiting...waiting...waiting!

The other

I realized today that I pretty much only talk about Foster/Adoption on this blog, so I thought I would let you in on a little 'bout me...

• I LOVE SUMMER!!! The hotter the better! I would probably enjoy fall much better if I wasn't already dreading the 6 months (or it seems) of winter coming around next. I literally will spend the next month or so just trying to absorb the warm sun, the green trees, fresh produce, baseball...etc you catch my drift...B is already on notice, I can NOT live in the Midwest forever!

• Since letting go of the TTC dream, I have been RELISHING having my body back! While trying to get pregnant I have done EVERY diet/restriction known, IE: no caffeine or alcohol, high protein, only organic, soy/not soy, green tea out the ying yang, I even lost 30lbs a few years ago just to see if it was the chubby that was the problem. Now I eat what I want to eat, sleep when I want to sleep and exercise when and how I want.
  

The above is a picture of ME from Sunday running the final steps in my first HALF MARATHON! Yes, yours truly ran 13.1 miles...at one time! I'm not going to lie, it was hard! But the feeling of accomplishing something is HUGE!! Especially for someone who is never going to be pregnant, I needed to have my body do something right for once...and it didn't let me down this time. I am hooked on the runner's high:)

Okay one more...

• B and I love MLB baseball!! We are working on one day getting to every major league ballpark in the US and Canada. We have been to 13 out of 30 so far plus Cooperstown New York (baseball hall of fame) and Arizona leagues spring training this last March. Our hearts belong to the Cincinnati Reds and we are soooo excited to see they will probably make it to the playoffs this year!! In fact, we are going to see them play in St. Louis this weekend:)

*Foster related: we should be licensed any day now and will start our therapeutic requirements ASAP after the license is official...

DELAYED. But not derailed...

All of our pre-service classes are complete! We only have one more home study visit and we will be licensed!

Ok, now the bad...that pesky therapeutic foster care qualification and the 60 hours of classes it comes with...yeah, talked to our SW today and really tried to pin down WHEN we could expect placement. After some hemming and hauling, she said to not expect a true placement until...THE FIRST OF THE YEAR! WHAT???!! Uhhhh, yeah...I just turned in my tentitive resignation! I had a goal to have little ones in our home for Christmas this year...guess that won't be happening:(

Why therapeutic? Well, we will get YOUNGER placements this way (I am told). Any infant that tests positive for drugs at birth will be classified as therapeutic. Also extreme neglect, malnurshed babies/toddlers. These are also higher risk for TPR (termination of parental rights) too. NO "county" foster homes are considered therapeutic. They go straight to private agency. So you see, I just need to be patient!

PROGRESS!

We had our 1st homestudy and it was...a piece of cake. I LOVE our social worker! She has been battling infertility even longer than we have, so she knows our journey well. (incidentally, she said she couldn't do foster to adopt herself--wow, umm... ok?! She said it would be too hard to get attached to a little one and then get reunited with birth family...gee great news for us huh?)
Her tour of our house was like 2 minutes max and that was because I WANTED to show her stuff!

The rest of the time was spent at the kitchen table "interviewing" us. Easy, casual questions so far...she said the next session will go deeper (ie: hardest thing we've dealt with in our marriage...without a doubt, INFERTILITY! next question!)
We have 2 more classes the next two Saturdays (passive restraint and CPR) finish our home study then a week later for paperwork filing with the state, we will be official! She said we could have a child(ren?!) in our home by the end of the month...THIS month!! YEAH!!!!

I also told my boss that "the end is near"...lol:) and my days of work are numbered. She was really pretty good about it. My "replacement" is her niece that just graduated hygiene school, so I can work right up until we get our first placement. B is trying to scrape all the pennies out of me working that he can, so he is happy I don't have a quit date set in stone. I really do love my little Scrooge, he keeps me in line;)

Thanks everyone for your words of support and encouragement!!! I'm sure some of you vets to foster care are seeing my thoughts and entries as "look how green and gullible she is...she has no idea what's about to happen"...you are RIGHT and I can't wait!!!!

Disappointed

Our home study got rescheduled...35 minutes before it was to start. I know these things can happen, but "interviews" make me nervous and now I get to go through another day of nervousness. I realize this is the reality of foster care, just gotta get over it:)
Good news is my house is clean and organized now, won't have to do it again later!

Not much going on now...

Let's see...had fire inspection today and passed...almost all (read--STACKS!!) paperwork is in...home study in one week!
We were reminded last week that our agency is therapeutic foster care. Which means an extra 60 hours of class here in Ohio...joy, more classes so we can be "good" parents . Keeping that positive attitude:)
Being a therapeutic home is really not that much different, I am told. All foster kids are considered "special needs" (I mean, gee they were taken from their home!) it's more of a way our agency sets itself apart from the county department of children services. It's just going to set our time line back a month or two is the only bummer part.

Our summer and fall will be VERY busy with getting these classes in (and Buckeye games!). Our social workers keep insisting we'll have kids in our home before we've even quite finished our last class...we will see! Our director told us she thought of us the other day when they had a call for a 10 month old boy...that is frustrating, but exciting at the same time...

Stocking up!

So as you can see...I did a little shopping today! Got only the best deals on toddler/baby stuff! I did forget to get the required fire extinguisher...(<---not as much fun;) I promised B nothing else that's not garage sale from now until our placement...I will try...then I reali zed I never even hit BRU! We have A LOT of paper work to do in upcoming weeks...finger prints, fire inspection, essay questions, background check, marriage certificates, all insurances documentations, physical, TB test...blah, blah, blah....I vow to get much done this week before Fourth of July weekend. My mom will be in town next weekend!!

Starting to collect baby stuff

Went garage sale shopping this weekend. I spent $65. What did I get??

-beautiful crib in box and with tags still!
-high chair that turns into a baby swing.
-big push truck toy
-puzzles and books
-like new several pieces of clothing (khaki pants, swim trunks, new onesies)

Nothing seems to beat garages sales bargain wise. E-bay and Craig's list are pretty good, but not as good as garage sales! Looking forward to next weekend's big neighborhood ones! I have visions of being fully stocked for under $200. I love a good challenge! People seem to be especially generous when I explain we are going to be foster parents (please forgive me for working at people's heart strings, but it helps;)

This is just a whole new world to me because for 5 years B would not let me buy baby stuff for fear of "jinxing" us...ummm....yeah, that plan worked great...

WOW!

I don't really know what my expectations were of the first preservice foster care class, but the information and the reality is mind boggling!
To start, we could be approved and have a child IN OUR HOME in 60 to 90 days....wow! So this is really going to be happening?! So not like the fertility treatment world of wait wait and wait and then wait nine months...if your lucky! My mind is absolutely racing in what to buy and what to wait on. I want to go garage selling and get some basics as far as clothing, books, toys, baby gate!
The other reality of this is I'm going to have to leave my job...soon! While we can "survive" without my income, losing the security of the padded bank account will be daunting to say the least! May look into a Saturday job...OH, and nothing like asking your boss for a referral AND quitting in the same month! (have to use her because I work with children)
We are struggling with the whole race issue again (still?), I think we'll (okay, B) need to talk with social worker about this. I understand B grew up in a small rural town and just doesn't have the exposure to AA children, but I just KNOW there is more there than he's willing to talk to me about. I know I can't force him to change his mind, BUT I'm sure he will end up falling in love with any child we are placed with and will quickly learn to not care what people think...as you can see, we have some work to do in this area...
Anyway, application will be in Thursday! I left overwhelmed but uber excited. B left with feeling more overwhelmed (he's also the money miser in the family)

Thoughts....

Ok, so I've been WAITING impatiently (first class Thursday!!!). But I've also been reading and soaking up all the foster parent info I can get my hands on. LOVE this book-- Success as a Foster Parent: every thing you need to know about foster care (written by the national foster parent association.) So much good info!
And what have I learned in all my reading? The children do not "scare" me. I love kids! I can have eons of patience when it comes to kids...in my job, I can (usually) calm the most terrified children and make progress on their dental cleaning appointment. (I'm a dental hygienist, by the way:) A terrified 2 year old with down syndrome? no problem, we'll get there! 5 year old twins with severe autism? Oh, the progress we've made! This is all because I know their limitations. I know they are truly TRYING in their own way to understand their world and why the heck I have to stick sharp instruments in their mouths;)
It is the ADULTS that will be difficult!!! The biological parents, the social workers!! I have a short amount of tolerance for those who know better...or those that I have determined SHOULD know better....I know this is entirely MY issue and I'll be working on this. To me, it all comes down to making "good" choices. Make consistently good choices and your life will be better for it...right? (Look for a job or smoke pot all day? Buy milk for your children or buy booze? Slap your children or hug them?) I'm sorry but how can always making "good" choices result in your children be taken from you?? Ok, ok I will learn to be tolerant! I just need to keep remembering that these ADULTS were once CHILDREN who had bad ADULTS as influences...you know, the whole vicious cycle thing...

Another thing I've given a lot of thought to and have been learning about is RACE. I've been telling DH (B) all along that I don't care if we get a child that is purple, I have this need to be a momma! Well, God doesn't make purple children but he does make "red and yellow, black and white" (from the bible song "Jesus loves the little children") ones. I know that these children will be well loved by us no matter what color they may be, BUT they also some exposure to others like them. They also need to learn about their culture. The second shouldn't be a problem. Our city has a festival (and B and I love festivals!) for every ethinicity and from there we can use that to get further resources to help our future foster children. From there we'll hopefully work on the first one and make contacts with people/friends of their culture. I'm not afraid to ask for help from others whether it be ethnic hair care or multiracial play groups.

Along the same lines I've also given thought to how our future family will "present" to others. I never really gave it much thought until I read up on it. B is truly a "I am who I am, take it or leave it" kind of person, while I am...well...not. Yet another thing I'll be working on. Not just having a child with different skin color than us, but (even more so) damaged foster children acting out (rage, temper tantrums) in public. Will I care what other's think of my foster children? I certainly don't want to shout out to every stranger "I'm just the foster mom, this is not my fault!" Humility...can I learn that?

Green Thumb

Worked on the yard today. I have 1 sunburn, 2 blisters and many sore muscles to prove it...also a couple of pictures:) I did the weed block fabric and stone border today. Still need to mulch...after the blisters heal.

The top is our little baby garden:) Last year we just did container gardening. This year I'm trying a little bit bigger. Not cost effective, at least for the first year. The dirt and walls were more than what we'd spend on produce in a year! Plus, the cats ate half the seedlings.

ETA: Just figured out adding pictures. Going to try to have more pictures in my posts. I know as a blog reader; I like looking at pictures!

Scared/Excited!

Pre-service foster care classes start in 4 weeks! Hope to start home study very soon after first class. Already been approved by my boss for time off (that was fun...)

*Those of you who've been through a home study, what can I do now that will speed up the process later? We already have our marriage and birth certificates on hand. We will be going garage sale shopping this summer for crib, car seats, baby gates maybe few toys and books. Need to get a fire extinguisher (or two?). I'm waiting on forms before making doctors appointments for physicals. Thanks to our cat that can open cabinet doors, our house is somewhat baby proofed:)

Wanna know a secret?? I can't wait BUT I'm scared to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) with foster kids! I hope I'm good at it and am happy because I feel like I've waited my whole life for this. Trying not to let the dream over run reality...I know these kids will come with issues and parents to work/deal with, but I'm up for the challenge! (...I think)

Et.sy is dangerous!

I just bought a beautiful wall decal on Etsy for our future child(ren)'s room:

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” Shel Silverstein

There were about ten quotes (like most of Dr. Seuss) I would have loved including...

"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

<---that one will just have to wait a little while;)

OH!!! And I think we are going to go with the Ba.ir Foundation! Yes more classes (60 MORE hours!!), but a great caring organization! Waiting on info packet to come in the mail. Told Brad (DH) expect to spend a lot of Saturdays in class for most of 2010!

Getting peaks of the big picture

Things are starting to fall into place. Admittedly, not as fast as I would like.

For one, the pre-service training we are taking isn't until July/August. Due to my 2 evenings/week work schedule, we are having to do the all day Saturday only classes and those are hard to come by, but this works. Would have loved to have found a week long (jam it all in) kind of session but this will do.

Speaking of pre-service, it took me a month into my research to learn that not all foster/adoption classes are created equal and one must first begin with the pre-service classes. Dumb, I know but I just thought I could take any classes that are offered through the county. Consider this my first PSA: start with pre-service:)

All in all everyone I (eventually) talked to has been most helpful and honest. We are truly hoping for a preschooler or younger and we are prepared to wait...

Upcoming post: Trans-racial adoption. I checked out a couple of books at the library on the subject. (while in waiting, might as well read up!)

Thanks for the early suport of my few but mightly readers:)

In the begining...

Oh, the thoughts running through my head! The only thing we are "sure" of is that we want to give foster parenting a go. Beyond that (which county, age, how many at a time, race...etc...) is still up in the air. I am just itching to be about 10 steps from where we are now. Classes done, home study done and getting that beloved first call!
Just like infertility, there is a lot of waiting. So far this week, I've made some phone calls to my contact (former social worker my boss knows) and to Franklin County Children Services. On day 2 of waiting for both to return email/call. My plan for tomorrow is to move things along and pester a little more (yet another thing I've learned through IF...)
I started this blog because I was SO inspired by the (few) blogs I've read by truly amazing women who made me realize I could also do this. To you women, I say thank you for blazing the trail we are about to begin!